Its me...Chedner. Mom has been too preoccupied to post anything on the blog in a week, so I told her I would make some time in my busy social schedule to write. I thought I would share my list of interesting activities I have found that can be enjoyed when adults strap you down on a bed and tell you that you are not allowed to sit up, roll over or run down hallways. Let me first say that I do not understand why these people insist I have to stay on this bed...I'm feeling fine...really...
Okay, here is my top ten list:
#10 - I have decided that one of the best toys in this place is a stethescope. They are lots of fun and I have gotten my hands on almost every nurse's stethoscope at some point in the last 5 weeks.
#9 - I spent a lot of time staring at my photo collage and pretending to yell at my older brothers for all past incidents in which they treated me unfairly....this is the one time I get to win all arguments and always get to have the last word!
#8 - Watch "Open Season" at least twice a day and giggle hysterically everytime the bear gets a porcupine stuck to his butt.
#7 - Tatoo my face, head and arms with small smiley face stickers...the closest my mother will ever let me get to body art.
#6 - Swat at hordes of bubbles that are impossible to catch with my currently, uncoordinated hands. My mom seems to think its funny to see them stick all over the hospital room as they are Gymboree bubbles and don't pop easily. This woman seriously needs to take a break and get out more!
#5 - Squeeze and burst any and all styrofoam cups within grasp. This is especially entertaining if I can get a hold of one full of ice water while I am sitting on mom's lap. Always guaranteed to create a flurry of quick action! Mom was too busy cleaning up the floods to take any photos of this activity...
#4 - This is really a treat now that I have unlimited access to my ostomy bag! I have discovered that if I flick open the clip in just the right way, the nurses think that the bag has gotten caught on my external fixator (the pins in my hips) and accidently popped open. This is a fun way to get not only lots of attention, but also I get to be lifted out of my bed for a few minutes by at least three pretty nurses while getting a sponge bath. However, Mom has caught on to the trick and has not been pleased the last few times I tried this one.
#3 - I have a really cool Wiggles videos and a music toy with lots of buttons. Since I personally think that Greg, Anthony, Jeff and Murray are a few of the only truly gifted muscians and entertainers on the planet, I could listen to their work all day long. As an added benefit, I get to see the grown-ups' eyes cross in their head after hearing the first 5 songs.
#2 - Throw your pappy as far and as often as you can possibly manage. I have to say this is one of the most pleasurable activities I have these days. If I am really lucky, I sometimes hit a nurse or even Mom as they walk by my bed. You know the funny thing is...no matter how often I toss these things, everyone always just laughs and picks it up for me. I am rather insistent however on them washing the pappy thoroughly between tosses. You wouldn't believe all the germs floating around a hospital. It is a great place to get sick!
#1 - My favorite game this week has been making laps around the children's unit in a wagon. I have done my best to convince anyone who will listen for six weeks that I want to get out of this place. Mom has tried her best to placate me...she has failed. But, thanks to some incredibly inventive folks at JHH, I have been allowed to lie on my back in a wagon and now get to watch an incredible array of lights flash by as I zoom down the halls. It's not exactly escaping, but I can always pretend. Also, I am determined to do my utmost to make up for my mother's serious lack of exercise these past 5 weeks. Towards that end, I have heard that 17 laps equals one mile, so I have set her goal at 10 miles before we leave. I am cautiously optimistic...
For the serious bored and brave...While this last one isn't in my top ten, it is an option for desperate times. If you are feeling particularly bored and are really daring, you could try pulling any and all wires, tubes or patches that I can get my hands on. Most are taped down to thwart the best of my efforts, but I have managed to get a number of them loose. The best part of it is the crazy noises that start going off all around me. It is like hitting the jackpot in Vegas! Lights flashing, sirens and buzzers blaring and normally sane people dancing around frantically. Unfortunately, I have must post a disclaimer with this one. As my mom has been trying to teach me since I started getting into things I shouldn't....all actions have consequences and some can be quite miserable. I found out the hard way that pulling an NG tube is a very, very bad idea! Sadly, I also learned that what comes out, must go back in...
When all of this fails to entertain me or beat the boredom that often sets in around 4:00 pm every afternoon, I just demand to get up and sit with mom in the green chair. Now that she convinced the docs to let me out of traction, I can get up for short times. Even with my legs in an immobilizer wrap, I have found that nothing beats snuggling and sleeping to escape from the craziness.